Monday, 15 March 2010
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
English Flowers
Here's a little picture I did on Saturday - I think I need to get a magnifying glass if I'm going to keep up painting tiny things! Fi :-)
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Top 5 Worst Ways to Spend Your Time:
1. Ironing
2. Thinking about all the ironing you ought to do
3. Waiting for a bus
4. Unblocking the plughole
5. Watching anything starring Nicolas Cage
2. Thinking about all the ironing you ought to do
3. Waiting for a bus
4. Unblocking the plughole
5. Watching anything starring Nicolas Cage
Elephant Parade
Here's how I amused myself this week! I've gone a bit cross-eyed doing all the detail! Fibs xx
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
SUBCONSCIOUS SHOPPING SPREES: No Woman Is Safe!!
As weather remains grim, and retail outlets continue to place dazzling ‘SALE’ signs in their windows, the British Medical Council have detected a surge in the worrying mental illness ‘SSS’ (Subconscious Shopping Spree).
The illness is most prevalent in city centres, and particularly in enclosed malls, where shoppers are liable to become too dazed by colours and cut prices to navigate to the exit. One Manchester shopper, Fiona Scoble, reported how she had suffered from this terrifying handicap:
“I just popped out of work to buy some new headphones in Currys. Suddenly I blacked out, and when I came around I was at the till in COAST buying two half-price cardigans.
“What I can’t work out is how I managed to try them on, along with a summer dress and a pair of shoes, in the dressing room, without ever regaining consciousness.”
Several major banks have come forward to offer counselling to women whose bank accounts have shrunk overnight without their knowledge, only to be replaced by heaps of reduced price accessories. Unfortunately the petition sent to the Bank of England, which called for banks to refund purchases made by those suffering from SSS, has been ignored.
While SSS predominantly affects women, men are not immune, though reports suggest that SSS tends to attack men when they are closer to video game stores, while women are most susceptible when in the vicinity of shoe shops.
Investigations are underway to find a cure for this devastating and prevalent disease. However, one spokesman from the British Medical Council did suggest that as a preventative measure, women should only enter a shopping centre after donning very dark glasses, and after stapling their credit card to their desk.
Fi
The illness is most prevalent in city centres, and particularly in enclosed malls, where shoppers are liable to become too dazed by colours and cut prices to navigate to the exit. One Manchester shopper, Fiona Scoble, reported how she had suffered from this terrifying handicap:
“I just popped out of work to buy some new headphones in Currys. Suddenly I blacked out, and when I came around I was at the till in COAST buying two half-price cardigans.
“What I can’t work out is how I managed to try them on, along with a summer dress and a pair of shoes, in the dressing room, without ever regaining consciousness.”
Several major banks have come forward to offer counselling to women whose bank accounts have shrunk overnight without their knowledge, only to be replaced by heaps of reduced price accessories. Unfortunately the petition sent to the Bank of England, which called for banks to refund purchases made by those suffering from SSS, has been ignored.
While SSS predominantly affects women, men are not immune, though reports suggest that SSS tends to attack men when they are closer to video game stores, while women are most susceptible when in the vicinity of shoe shops.
Investigations are underway to find a cure for this devastating and prevalent disease. However, one spokesman from the British Medical Council did suggest that as a preventative measure, women should only enter a shopping centre after donning very dark glasses, and after stapling their credit card to their desk.
Fi
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
The Trials of Living at Home with the Folks, episode 1: Who's the Boss
Following Fibi's trials and tribulations with the gas man, Emma laughed, Emma smirked, Emma giggled. Then Emma realised: she has nothing to laugh/smirk/giggle about. She is living at home and will be 24 in 19 days time. And she is caught in her own eternal catch-22, whereby she loves it and hates it, she is a baby and an adult, a child and a friend to her parents...
Top 5 Reasons why its a confusing old time to be living at home:
1) Going to bed at the same time as the parentals. Lame, yes. Occasionally necessary, yes. Especially if a) your parents room is above the sitting room with the TV and your dad is a very light sleeper (and prone to thump the floor with his slipper if it's up too loud, which is any volume at all), and b) you are like Emma, and get scared when you are downstairs in a big house on your own and in charge of 'locking up'
2) You want to cook your own food, but you sulk when your mum doesn't make you anything/ doesn't even THINK about making you anything
3) Begging to borrow the car (which you feel guilty about anyway, cos you never put any petrol in it), but its better than begging lifts/getting smelly expensive bus (why so expensive if so old and smelly? But I digress...)
4) The power struggle: Mum vs. Daughter. Who is bossier? Dad doesn't know and he's hiding under the stairs anyway.
5) Luxury. Let's face it, in a rented house/room you're never going to have all the hot water, heating, log fires, fully stocked fridge, washing/tumble drying done and sorted out without you noticing. Yes, I need to grow up. but do I want to?
Next time: Episode 2 - Getting your own way
Top 5 Reasons why its a confusing old time to be living at home:
1) Going to bed at the same time as the parentals. Lame, yes. Occasionally necessary, yes. Especially if a) your parents room is above the sitting room with the TV and your dad is a very light sleeper (and prone to thump the floor with his slipper if it's up too loud, which is any volume at all), and b) you are like Emma, and get scared when you are downstairs in a big house on your own and in charge of 'locking up'
2) You want to cook your own food, but you sulk when your mum doesn't make you anything/ doesn't even THINK about making you anything
3) Begging to borrow the car (which you feel guilty about anyway, cos you never put any petrol in it), but its better than begging lifts/getting smelly expensive bus (why so expensive if so old and smelly? But I digress...)
4) The power struggle: Mum vs. Daughter. Who is bossier? Dad doesn't know and he's hiding under the stairs anyway.
5) Luxury. Let's face it, in a rented house/room you're never going to have all the hot water, heating, log fires, fully stocked fridge, washing/tumble drying done and sorted out without you noticing. Yes, I need to grow up. but do I want to?
Next time: Episode 2 - Getting your own way
The Trials of Living Alone: Episode 1, Replacing the Gas Meter
Useless Fi has struggled to get up at 7am to avoid being in her nighty when meeting the gas man who is coming to replace her gas meter. She is now on her 3rd cup of tea and burning shirts as she attempts to iron. The gas man finally turns up at the door:
Practical Gas Man: Are you the Gas Meter?
Useless Fi: Ummm Yes.
Practical Gas Man: So where is it then, let’s have a look.
Useless Fi: Ummm (trying to smile winningly) I’m not actually sure where it is! I was hoping you might have some sort of innate ability to find it.
Practical Gas Man: (Silently judging) No. Can you show me?
Useless Fi: Is it this?
Practical Gas Man: No, that’s your stopcock.
Useless Fi: Is it this?
Practical Gas Man: No, that’s your boiler.
Useless Fi: Is it this?
Practical Gas Man: No love, that’s your fuse box.
Useless Fi: Ah. I don’t really have any more ideas.
Practical Gas Man: (Briefly raises eyes to heaven) Do you have a cellar?
Useless Fi: I don’t know.
Practical Gas Man: (Brief disbelief) I’ll see if I can find it.
Gas Man wanders off, finds some stairs, the cellar, and the gas meter. Does his stuff. Meanwhile Fi burns some more shirts. Gas Man returns and hands Fi some numbers which she immediately loses. Gas Man runs away.
Practical Gas Man: Are you the Gas Meter?
Useless Fi: Ummm Yes.
Practical Gas Man: So where is it then, let’s have a look.
Useless Fi: Ummm (trying to smile winningly) I’m not actually sure where it is! I was hoping you might have some sort of innate ability to find it.
Practical Gas Man: (Silently judging) No. Can you show me?
Useless Fi: Is it this?
Practical Gas Man: No, that’s your stopcock.
Useless Fi: Is it this?
Practical Gas Man: No, that’s your boiler.
Useless Fi: Is it this?
Practical Gas Man: No love, that’s your fuse box.
Useless Fi: Ah. I don’t really have any more ideas.
Practical Gas Man: (Briefly raises eyes to heaven) Do you have a cellar?
Useless Fi: I don’t know.
Practical Gas Man: (Brief disbelief) I’ll see if I can find it.
Gas Man wanders off, finds some stairs, the cellar, and the gas meter. Does his stuff. Meanwhile Fi burns some more shirts. Gas Man returns and hands Fi some numbers which she immediately loses. Gas Man runs away.
Monday, 1 March 2010
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