Part II- She
She is the opposite
Of what he asked for.
She lacks in style and grace,
Dirty boots, but a pretty face
When she smiles.
She is so different
From what he expected.
She paints red, her bitten nails,
She always falls, and fails
When she tries.
She is not like
All his other friends.
She is too soft and warm,
Tousled hair, but a perfect form
When he looks.
She is the opposite
Of what he asked for.
She is light and space,
Raspberry silk and lace,
If he could see.
She is more obvious
Than he would like.
When she laughs too loud,
Sings off-key in a crowd,
She is.
By Emma
Thursday, 20 May 2010
A little poem by Ems...
Part I- The Kite
he smiled and said
‘look, a kite’
she tilted her head
and looked his way
you’re beautiful
she tried to say
he caught her stare
and touched her arm
warm and bare
she felt hot and bold
and shivered with cold
she brushed her hair
out of her eye
willing him to care
he lay on the grass
and let eternity pass
she couldn’t lie
watching the kite
he couldn’t try
to touch the girl
who he knew
he wanted too
she gave it away
before the wind died
before he could say
‘watch the kite with me
always and forever
you and me’
By Emma
he smiled and said
‘look, a kite’
she tilted her head
and looked his way
you’re beautiful
she tried to say
he caught her stare
and touched her arm
warm and bare
she felt hot and bold
and shivered with cold
she brushed her hair
out of her eye
willing him to care
he lay on the grass
and let eternity pass
she couldn’t lie
watching the kite
he couldn’t try
to touch the girl
who he knew
he wanted too
she gave it away
before the wind died
before he could say
‘watch the kite with me
always and forever
you and me’
By Emma
Thursday, 13 May 2010
10 Ways to be more English
Good Day Sirrah! Or should I say, cor blimey luv, it’s time to be more English! Here’s how:
One) Get yourself a big old hunk of meat or fish, roast it for hours (no “rare” food here please! Make sure it’s very very dead!), add some delicious roast potatoes (Mmm, Nigella Lawson ones = to die for), a few other veg (this writer enjoys mashed carrots and swede, broccoli and sweetcorn), and pour a generous amount of Ah Bisto gravy all over the top. But this delicious meal must NOT be partaken of on any other day but a Sunday. You will be shunned. And you have been warned.
Two) Queue. Just queue. You are allowed to look annoyed, but you will NEVER say anything. Just queue.
Three) Listen to the Beatles / Rolling Stones. They are British institutions and they rock the world. Here’s my favourite of each: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntpgeMdcdcU and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_VbImuG71M
Four) Have a picnic in any weather. It will make you truly English if you can peel and eat your boiled egg whilst huddling behind a sapling in gale force winds / sleet / snow / rain. You can also eat in the car: this is a fun family trip out:- drive to a park, sit in your car in the car park and eat your boiled eggs / pork pies / crisps / juice cartons etc. Go for brisk walk around park for 2 mins in your macs, then run back to car and drive home. Perfect day out.
Five) Read Moll Flanders. I double dare you. (Take that, Madame Bovary!)
Six) If you are female, watch “Pride and Prejudice”, the BBC version with Colin Firth, at least 6 times (that’s only 36 hours, and you don’t have to do it in a row, though it is nice). If you are male, watch it anyway, you might love it.
Seven) Learn how to talk about the weather. This is crucial to being English. Most conversations start with a missive on the weather: “Gosh, isn’t it cold / wet / sunny today?” and “Did you hear it is the wettest / driest / windiest day / month / year on record?” are two of my personal favourites. (Delete as appropriate, do not try and say all those things at once, people will assume you are mad. Though they will be too polite to say it and will probably agree that it is indeed the wettest and also driest AND windiest day, month AND year on record)
Eight) Never let a member of the opposite sex (or, indeed, the same sex, if you are that way inclined) know you are interested in them unless you are drunk first. You do not let people know you like them until a) you are sure they like you (which you will never know because of the aforementioned rule) and b) you are drunk enough to do some bump and grind in a club. (Fi and her flirty shoulders may disagree with me, but I rest my case based on the fact that after Uni, when we were all so drunk that some of us actually got partners, post-Uni all my single friends have remained single. The dating world in England is tough. So have a drink.)
Nine) Have a Barbeque. You know you really really want to. And don’t forget to talk about the weather.
Ten) Moan about, but simultaneously protect ‘til the death, the British pound (and that’s about as political as I’m gonna get folks)
Disclaimer: This is in NO way mocking the Brits, I am English and love my country, I just tell it like it is.
Next to receive the Em treatment (unless I get complaints about how racist I am being): Italy! Ciao for now!
One) Get yourself a big old hunk of meat or fish, roast it for hours (no “rare” food here please! Make sure it’s very very dead!), add some delicious roast potatoes (Mmm, Nigella Lawson ones = to die for), a few other veg (this writer enjoys mashed carrots and swede, broccoli and sweetcorn), and pour a generous amount of Ah Bisto gravy all over the top. But this delicious meal must NOT be partaken of on any other day but a Sunday. You will be shunned. And you have been warned.
Two) Queue. Just queue. You are allowed to look annoyed, but you will NEVER say anything. Just queue.
Three) Listen to the Beatles / Rolling Stones. They are British institutions and they rock the world. Here’s my favourite of each: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntpgeMdcdcU and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_VbImuG71M
Four) Have a picnic in any weather. It will make you truly English if you can peel and eat your boiled egg whilst huddling behind a sapling in gale force winds / sleet / snow / rain. You can also eat in the car: this is a fun family trip out:- drive to a park, sit in your car in the car park and eat your boiled eggs / pork pies / crisps / juice cartons etc. Go for brisk walk around park for 2 mins in your macs, then run back to car and drive home. Perfect day out.
Five) Read Moll Flanders. I double dare you. (Take that, Madame Bovary!)
Six) If you are female, watch “Pride and Prejudice”, the BBC version with Colin Firth, at least 6 times (that’s only 36 hours, and you don’t have to do it in a row, though it is nice). If you are male, watch it anyway, you might love it.
Seven) Learn how to talk about the weather. This is crucial to being English. Most conversations start with a missive on the weather: “Gosh, isn’t it cold / wet / sunny today?” and “Did you hear it is the wettest / driest / windiest day / month / year on record?” are two of my personal favourites. (Delete as appropriate, do not try and say all those things at once, people will assume you are mad. Though they will be too polite to say it and will probably agree that it is indeed the wettest and also driest AND windiest day, month AND year on record)
Eight) Never let a member of the opposite sex (or, indeed, the same sex, if you are that way inclined) know you are interested in them unless you are drunk first. You do not let people know you like them until a) you are sure they like you (which you will never know because of the aforementioned rule) and b) you are drunk enough to do some bump and grind in a club. (Fi and her flirty shoulders may disagree with me, but I rest my case based on the fact that after Uni, when we were all so drunk that some of us actually got partners, post-Uni all my single friends have remained single. The dating world in England is tough. So have a drink.)
Nine) Have a Barbeque. You know you really really want to. And don’t forget to talk about the weather.
Ten) Moan about, but simultaneously protect ‘til the death, the British pound (and that’s about as political as I’m gonna get folks)
Disclaimer: This is in NO way mocking the Brits, I am English and love my country, I just tell it like it is.
Next to receive the Em treatment (unless I get complaints about how racist I am being): Italy! Ciao for now!
10 Ways to be more French
Boobjour! (boob day?!)
From Faux French land, here are some French themed ideas for your day (tout et la fruit!):
Un) Buy yourself some brie, bread and olives for lunch today and wash it all down with some French red wine, (alternatively, try some of these amazing sounding French foods: saucisson, pomme de terre (apple of the earth, LOVE it), pamplemousse, petit pois – just saying them makes me happy!)
Deux) Listen to some French rap: la belle et la bad boy by MC Solaar being my fav: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwEH6LYr4-U
Trois) Go on strike (now that’s French)
Quatre) Have an affair (it’s a totally normal, free love, mature approach to relationships in le chic France: you know you want to)
Cinq) Buy a red and navy outfit and swan up and down your local waterway smoking a cigarette with plenty of black eye-liner. Tres mysterious.
Six) Read Madame Bovary. I dare you.
Sept) Have a Cannes Party with your friend: dress up, walk the red carpet, take photos of each other, watch some films, have an argument about said films, storm off in a huff, have a love-in reunion, drink loads.
Huit) Have a two hour lunch WITH wine every day. This should be made into a legal requirement: over to you ConservaLibtive-Democrats
Neuf) Only buy French made cars. Renault anyone?
Dix) Do not overly show boobs and legs. Dress classy. Think Carla Bruni (wait, isn’t she Italian...?)
Disclaimer: This is is NO way mocking le French, I love the country and the people! Next to receive the Em treatment: England! (Just to prove I’m not being stereotypical!)
From Faux French land, here are some French themed ideas for your day (tout et la fruit!):
Un) Buy yourself some brie, bread and olives for lunch today and wash it all down with some French red wine, (alternatively, try some of these amazing sounding French foods: saucisson, pomme de terre (apple of the earth, LOVE it), pamplemousse, petit pois – just saying them makes me happy!)
Deux) Listen to some French rap: la belle et la bad boy by MC Solaar being my fav: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwEH6LYr4-U
Trois) Go on strike (now that’s French)
Quatre) Have an affair (it’s a totally normal, free love, mature approach to relationships in le chic France: you know you want to)
Cinq) Buy a red and navy outfit and swan up and down your local waterway smoking a cigarette with plenty of black eye-liner. Tres mysterious.
Six) Read Madame Bovary. I dare you.
Sept) Have a Cannes Party with your friend: dress up, walk the red carpet, take photos of each other, watch some films, have an argument about said films, storm off in a huff, have a love-in reunion, drink loads.
Huit) Have a two hour lunch WITH wine every day. This should be made into a legal requirement: over to you ConservaLibtive-Democrats
Neuf) Only buy French made cars. Renault anyone?
Dix) Do not overly show boobs and legs. Dress classy. Think Carla Bruni (wait, isn’t she Italian...?)
Disclaimer: This is is NO way mocking le French, I love the country and the people! Next to receive the Em treatment: England! (Just to prove I’m not being stereotypical!)
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