The Hazards of Housekeeping

I’ve decided I’m not going to do any more cleaning – I’ll just leave things to mass until the mice break in and eat the surplus.

The following things have occurred since I opened and attempted to construct and use my new hoover:

1. I caught my thumb between the hose pipe and the metal bit when fitting them together.

2. I punched myself in the face when trying to pull the hose pipe and the metal bit apart again when they got stuck.

3. I pulled all my jewellery across my hall when the lead got caught round my bedroom table.

4. I didn’t find the magic hoover pipe extender switch until too late and gave myself a hunchback trying to use the improbably short hoover pipe (see Diagram A).

5. I’ve half lost my voice from singing along to Beyonce too loudly above the hoover noise.

Surely, a lesson to us all to live in our own filth.

Fi